Before I continue part 2 of, “Oh, so that’s what motherhood is like”, I want to just give a huge thank you to all of you. When I first started this blog I never dreamed I would have hundreds of people from around the world supporting our journey. Not only that, but I never thought I would have the insurmountable amounts of comments, texts, and messages from strangers, friends, and co-workers that continue to uplift my spirits and remind me why we decided to start this difficult yet beautiful adventure. It is my hope that I will be able to share what our lives through foster care are actually like without sugar coating anything, because let’s be honest, life is anything but sugar coated.
On that note let me continue from where I left off, me wishing Saturday would just end and Sunday would bring a new day. Fortunately, Sunday did bring a new day. I awoke to E’s babbles coming from the nursery and felt a huge sense of peace that I did not have a mere 10 hours prior. I decided to take on the day with more patience and strength than I had the previous day, though I will be honest, I was still struggling emotionally. I knew I needed Jesus more than anything that day and I knew that church would be just the thing to bring some new life to my weary soul. After changing, feeding, diapering, and playing with E for a couple hours I attempted to get ready for the day. It once again was difficult and ended up with Josh waking up and helping out, despite him having a major headache.
Even though Josh was fighting a huge headache he got himself up and ready for church while E and I ran to Starbucks to grab some much needed coffee and breakfast for Josh and me. We drove to church and got there late as usual, meaning we had a difficult time checking E into the nursery because they had already shut and locked the door since it was 15 minutes past service. Considering we’re usually 15 minutes late on a normal basis, without a baby, I thought we did a pretty decent job!
We attend Generation Church in Jupiter and I absolutely adore not only the church and church family, but the pastor and his wife. They are amazing people and I knew that with Pastor Ben speaking on a new series entitled “Made New” I was sure to find a renewed spirit. Needless to say that’s exactly what happened. At the very end of the message Pastor Ben made an alter call to anyone needing change to happen in the new year. He encouraged those of us that felt the need for restoration to come to the font. I knew immediately I needed to walk forward. When the Lord speaks to me He does it boldly and He was loud and clear on that Sunday morning. Walking to the front of the room, I just closed my eyes and let myself truly feel any and all emotion, something I usually have an extremely difficult time doing.
With tears in my eyes, Pastor Ben told us to join hands with the others next to us while he prayed boldly over us. In that moment I was brought back to a profound moment that happened a mere 6 1/2 years ago when I first moved to South Florida for college. We were at a special chapel service on the Sunday before beginning classes and I was so broken throughout the entire service. I shouted to the Lord to provide me answers for this new season of life and I begged him to guide my steps, yet I still felt so broken. I brought myself to the alter that night at chapel, without an alter call, and shed a bucket of broken tears. As I was weeping uncontrollably an unknown person came up behind me, put their hand on my back, and prayed specifically for me. This brother in Christ prayed for whatever the Lord laid on his heart that night and those words were exactly what I needed to hear in that moment. That beautiful, God-given moment brought me through so much in my 4 years of college. It was in that moment, this past Sunday, of joining hands and hearing that prayer prayed over me that I realized God was now giving me another moment to lean back on in this new season of life, a moment that I so desperately needed.
The rest of Sunday is somewhat of a blur. I still did not have a ton of confidence in myself as a mother, but I knew God was going to let me work through it before we got our first foster baby and that’s exactly what He’s done. He’s allowed me to have so many heartfelt moments since that weekend.
He has allowed me to have my moments of serenity and calmness, like this moment of Nessie cuddles and chilly nights.
He’s allowed me to have my moments of praise and thanksgiving, like my desire to create a blessings jar to remind myself of all the amazing things He’s provided us throughout the year.
He’s allowed me to have moments of reflection and reassurance that He REALLY is there with us along this journey.
And finally, He’s given me moments of pure laughter and fun, reminding me that He gave me the PERFECT partner to join me in this beautiful journey of foster loving.
So although I don’t know the first thing about being a mom, and I’m still extremely scared for what’s to come in the very near future, I know that through Him I have strength. I have strength to tackle the unknown, strength to rise above the enemy’s destruction, and strength to love on the children of this world that need it most. And that alone is more than I could ever ask for.